FC Británico v Madrid Olimpo


DateTimeLeagueSeasonFull Time
19th November 202314:10Tercera Regional2023-202490'


FC Británico4Win
Madrid Olimpo1Loss


A balmy Sunday afternoon in the capital saw FC Británico line up against a new opponent

. Madrid Olimpo hail from just the other side of the nearby M23 but had never crossed paths with FCB in their history.


The team selected to face the side sitting in the bottom three consisted of a back four of Gonzalo, Josh, Arren and Ed; a midfield four of Will, Mats, Arden and Calum and a front pairing of Harry and Pádraig.


Despite Will declaring loudly that he had one of his good feelings about the day, the hosts did proceed to bop it about nicely from kick-off.


Any fans playing Rami Bingo in the stands would have had their blotters out soon after the first whistle as The Cardiologist’s Pension Plan instructed his men to shoot on-site at the “midget” standing between the sticks for Olimpo.


The keeper might have been small but he proved to be his side’s star performer—routinely dealing with high balls, shots and opposition midfielders trying to press him.


After a dominant spell of possession, the boys from Blighty took the lead thanks to Pádraig. The Queen-loving, quiz-hating striker put his side one nil up after twenty minutes after finding himself one-on-one.


Several chances followed for FCB but despite perhaps their best display in possession so far this season, they couldn’t add a second as chances for Calum and Ed among others went begging.


In truth, this was one of the least eventful encounters the boys have faced this season despite the referee’s best efforts.


The day did briefly threaten to become memorable towards the end of the first half as Calum stuck a foot in on the edge of his box. Despite constructing a four-man wall with a considerable surface area, goalkeeper Blake Belch (real name as far as we know) was wrong-footed from the resulting shot as one of his bricks flinched and diverted the ball into the back of the FCB net.


The lads restored the lead before the break though. Harry scrambled in from close range after Josh did well to turn the ball his way following a corner.


There was a second goal for Pádraig before the half as well.


Good strikers, and the diminutive left-footer is certainly one of those, will say that all goals count the same on the scoresheet. The issue with this particular goal wasn’t its objective value, it was its power to register in the memory of those who witnessed it.


Not one person in the Match Report WhatsApp group has any recollection of the goal. Sorry, bud.


Despite going in two goals up, Rami and Will managed to have their weekly tiff as the players headed for the changing rooms. The Psychologist’s Least Favourite Appointment was furious that his midfielder had maintained possession as the whistle blew… It was an odd outburst, even for him.


Despite (or because of…) their team’s dominance, the FCB coaches decided to make four changes for the second half. Off came Gonzalo, Ed, Mats and Josh with Omar, Karlos, Luigi and debutant Yaron replacing them.


The second half was notable for Stick Man blasting the leather off the ball several times before getting what would normally be a silly yellow card (but in this case was a smart one for reasons that we cannot divulge).


New recruit Yaron looked assured on the ball although was perhaps not used to playing Purposeful Posession™. The American was praised and then subjected to a bollocking from his manager within sixty seconds. The former pro will likely never have experienced such poorly expressed passion.


Olimpo were physical enough in most aspects of the game and their last-ditch defending was generally good but they lacked cohesion, leadership and ideas. They are a young team though and will no doubt improve over the course of the season.


They briefly went on the attack and had a chance cleared off the line before eventually succumbing to a fourth goal.


You know those goals that make both the defending team and the attacking team look equally inept? Those 80s and 90s lower league goals that do the rounds on Twitter where the defence can’t clear and the attackers can’t get a clean shot.


Yeah, this was one of those—only memorable for Harry’s mate yelling “Faking go on Harry, mate!” as the Cockney striker finally put the ball out of its misery having ignored Arden’s call to leave it on the fourth rebound.



A 4-1 win, a draw between their two main title rivals, pints and suspiciously cheap burgers at Argayo, sunburn in November… it

was a nice afternoon for the lads all told.

FC Británico

22Blake Belch Goalkeeper
3Edmund Keith 6 Defender
4Arren Sutfcliffe Defender
7Arden Matikyan Midfielder
8Calum Cant 14 Midfielder
9Harry ‘Jax’ Newman Forward 35', 65'
11Padraig Slane 18 Midfielder 11', 40'
15Gonzalo Yaya 16 Defender
23Mats Blyth 21 Midfielder
25Josh Emerson 12 Defender
32Will Sewell 5 Midfielder 63'
5Andrew McLeod 32 Defender
6Omar Majid Rodriguez 3 Defender
12Yaron Bacher 25 Defender
14Eric Murphy 8 Midfielder
16Luigi Bosetti 15 Midfielder
18Paco Garcia 11 Midfielder 88'
21Karlos Wysom 23
  4 2

Madrid Olimpo

Yellow Cards
Red Cards


Las Cocheras
Calle San Lamberto, 21, 28017 Madrid, España